they say love is a mirror

they say we need to find a way to hold on to ourselves even when we are gone

even when we don’t know who we are, who we’re holding onto

because who else will do that for us

who else will say that we were here

i want to tell her that i miss her, even when she is here

but how do you miss someone and also be glad they’re not around

maybe i’m just a sucker for things that are no longer with me

a sadist disguised as a masochist

it’s all the same because it’s just her and me

and i’m hurting her but she doesn’t stop me

because she misses me too

they say you cannot love others before you learn to love yourself

but how do i keep holding up my chin when this is how

i make myself tired of holding up my chin, telling myself i’m a good person

after i let her let me treat us this way

so i say i’m sorry no one ever showed me

or showed me too late because no one ever showed them

and when he doesn’t show me in the way he should

i see what they mean when they say love is a mirror

and i love him because he is me when i’m alone

and i’m yelling at him the way she yelled at me

and when we’re both crying i don’t allow myself to say sorry because

i am not gone and i cannot let anyone forget

and if i don’t get the last word, even if it kills me

then i was never here