flowersandfilm

they say we need to find a way to hold on to ourselves even when we are gone even when we don’t know who we are, who we’re holding onto because who else will do that for us who else will say that we were here i want to tell her that i miss her, even when she is here but how do you miss someone and also be glad they’re not around maybe i’m just a sucker for things that are no longer with me a sadist disguised as a masochist it’s all the same because it’s just her and me and i’

recalling every word of what they said to whoever will hear again and again when you’re alone angry all the time swearing you will never forget never give credit to the reasons for why they were so angry all the time because 3 years of you   knowing would’ve only hurt me more was an i didn’t want to lose you  simulation you will always be too you to build for them angry because you want to get to the place where the reason is the hurt people have caused you and you are so ang

it’s hard to not throw yourself a party when the decorations are all hung up perfectly packed therapy autographed biographies gift bags ready for those who you have wronged but the phone rings and rings and nobody answers not those who hate you not those who said they’d come and the phone rings and rings and they’re on a 3-way together and they’re all talking about you but you’re calling on a tuesday at 3pm and it’s 9 in germany and she’s on a second date or starting a lunch