the thing about spending uninterrupted time with your family
—not to say that the time could not be voluntarily interrupted by smart screens—
is that it can allow you to notice all the things you hate about yourself
it isn’t that you were unaware of these self proclaimed flaws
but are rather now involuntarily spending time with them
i noticed this because i notice how i pack before i leave a place
the tetris maze that is the inside of my bag
as i dump every single remaining thing out in order to get all that i brought back in
and how the trek to my next location is equipped with the way my mother’s hand
zips and unzips and zips and unzips and zips and unzips
before she zips every compartment right
i notice my parents getting curious about every new roadside artifact
even if it is just so that they could tell me how they already know it
and of course the story of how they came to know it
how my mother finds herself unconsciously tucked in my father’s leading direction
and the way he finds comfort in leading at all
and between interrupting smart screens, i want to tell him
that i too have tasted a Vietnamese dessert
that gives a confidence i can somewhat understand
that i too have my reasons, puffing cool and more collected
that i notice how he offers his father and my mother’s father one when we visit their graves
and how i’ll probably only have enough confidence to do the same when i visit his
i notice this because we are on the bus to our next location
and my mother chats to the driver behind me
and before the driver drives, my father stumbles into the seat next to mine
and he asks if i am sleepy and offers a shoulder bony much like mine
and i am voluntarily and involuntarily home
whatever that may mean the next uninterrupted time